Dear President! Let me start this meeting of the Council of Ministers by thanking you for hanging the moon and preparing the nation, and the world in a perfect way. The moon looks beautiful where you put it. Everything you touch turns to gold, unless you’d rather turn to bronze.
Now that we’re out of the fun stuff, I have a little question: Did you know you’re also allowed to fire people? Well, you are! Men are also allowed to leave the Cabinet.
As one of the last remaining women in this Cabinet, I felt compelled to ask. Not for me, really. To my sisters!
I can’t think of a worse place to have a feminist awakening than being a member of Donald Trump’s Cabinet, watching the departure of Pam Bondi but not Kash Patel, and Kristi Noem but not Pete Hegseth, and Lori Chavez-DeRemer but not Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Of course, this is not the case. I would sooner die than have a feminist awakening. Obviously, I’m aware of the patriarchy, but I’ve always believed that it could work for me, personally, if I just used the right hair products and smiled more.
I’m just wondering: Do I have a future here? I do everything everyone else does. I have a face. I have a bird. I am careless. I praise the president in every meeting of the Council of Ministers. (See above.) But where is the security of ironwork, meaning that, no matter what I do, I am still an integral part of the team? Should I drink more? More snorkeling? Both?
I will say I thought it would be different when I agreed to serve. I thought, Well, this man has no respect for women. But he also has no respect for any kind of person! I can build on that. “Put me in, Coach,” I said then.
Now there are only four of us left. I really thought it was Tulsi’s intention to do it cleansbusiness conspiracies, and doubt it on the integrity of the previous election would have pleased him more. But I also thought that about Pam.
Listen, if you were assembling a Cabinet based on power alone, none of us would be here. That is the main thing that brings us all here today: Whether we are men or women, old or young, white or non-white, the one thing that binds us is our lack of commonality.
But if I were to eliminate people for doing a bad job, I would definitely choose the person who brings back the measles or the person who brings back the flu—two different people, each of whom endangers millions of lives. If you circled me (please don’t circle me; my hair has no props) in this room and I pointed out, I’d punch someone who deserves to be fired. Or a chair. Or one of several ballroom or arch models.
I know you said, “No scalp.” Are you operating under the misapprehension that women don’t have scalps? This sounds like the kind of thing you can believe. I don’t know anymore.
I am not a feminist. It is clear. I’m in Trump’s Cabinet. But this is the kind of thing that makes me wonder about his world view! Not that we are trying to list birth control as a dangerous substance for the environment. It’s not a joke-but-not-joke level rise about taking away our right to vote, or having all households vote together under the head of a man. I know Pastor of Pete Hegseth he knows what i’m talking about!
I don’t care about all that. I’m talking about my personal work here, and I have to wonder if you hold incompetent women in your Cabinet to the same standard as incompetent men. Is this some kind of Women and Children First situation? Are you really going to wait for us all to leave before anyone else is allowed to go?
I guess I just thought I’d be safer here—that if I joined, they wouldn’t come for me. I shouldn’t be the one under the bus. I should be the one throwing another women there.
