Since 2021, young lady Illest Morena has fought tirelessly to sit at the table in the country’s hip-hop festival.
Back when he started, he could only count the number of Filipino rappers on one hand. But even when it seemed that the competition was less, at best, it remained a big challenge for her and her fellow “women” to get people to listen.
It was Illest’s hunger (and outright courage) as an outsider that got him through — and it was how he attracted new listeners to his craft in the first place. There was a fearlessness that came with putting out each new song, and a strong desire to prove himself to the public early.
“I was not afraid when I started. Rookie is very different. When you are a rookie (Rookie content is completely different. When you are a musician), you don’t think about the consequences of what will happen. You don’t think about the consequences. You just think about the possibilities of the things you want to do,” he told Rappler.
Now, he enters his fifth year in the industry with his head held high. She carries herself differently this time – with the comfort of knowing who she is despite what those around her might say, and the newfound confidence she gained from all the noise.
Silver cloths
When it comes to public perception, rappers are often thought of as having a strong sense of self-confidence. Most of them seem like unfiltered hard-headed people, and they can easily get rid of the hatred they can get.
Illest is as clear as ever. It shows not only in his autobiographical approach to music, but in the views he expresses as a human being.
However, at the end of the day, he is human before anything else.
“Many people think that I am not hurt by the words they say because you see, they don’t have the brakes to talk to me either. Maybe they feel that I won’t get hurt or that I won’t notice. But I internalized many of the words that they said about me and that they said to me. It took me a long time to heal myself to the point I did they had nothing to say,” he admitted.
(Many people think I don’t get hurt by the words they say because they have no filter when they talk to me. They probably think I won’t get hurt or I won’t pay attention to what they say. But I internalized many of the words they said about me and that they said to me. It took me a lot of healing to reach a point where I somehow became immune to what they said.
Now wise beyond her years, the Illest we see now was shaped by the countless experiences of being the only woman in a male-dominated space.
There was a time when Illest, who was not afraid to share his innermost thoughts for everyone to see, seemed to waver.
“Later in my career, when I reached a certain kind of fascination, that’s where the pressure comes in (that’s when the pressure came in) and afraid to speak, and afraid of opponents. (There was) this pressure to look and look perfect all the time. That was one of the fears I developed when I continued in the industry,” he admitted.
For a year, he had stopped releasing singles, his public appearances became few and far between, and his social media presence dwindled as well.
“I wasn’t posting much on social media because I gained weight. And being a female artist, part of your money is your face. And it hurt me because then I realized that you guys were just opposing me. Are you really listening to my songs? What? do you guys love me so much for my talent? Or is it just because I look like this? Is it because I present myself like this?” He explained.
At that time it was a huge battle for Illest to come to terms with and love himself no matter what form he took – even if it meant fighting hard to convince himself that he liked what he saw every time he stood in front of the mirror.
“I still write the same songs, the same message. What changed was the way I looked, and it hurt me. It pissed me off, but when I look in the mirror now I can say to myself, ‘I’m proud of you no matter what you look like, with your bed hair, kshave when you just woke up or haven’t showered (even if you just woke up or haven’t showered), I’m proud of myself no matter what.’”
It was tough, and Illest will be the first to admit it. Still, being the fighter that he is, he learned to use it to his advantage. Instead of backing down and boxing in, he stood his ground and took off his mask completely.
“I think now, so my personality comes out more (The reason why my personality comes out more on) social media and I work more, is because I’ve learned that lesson and I got this new confidence that I would never have if I didn’t get fat or if I didn’t find these fortune tellers on social media. No matter what they say, or no matter what I look like, this is me. I am a bad person,” he added.
Two sides to Illest
When she is not on stage, Illest Morena is Angelica Layague. Angelica is quiet, enjoys her own company, and seems more reserved than the fiery performer who struts around the stage like she owns it.
“(There’s) a private version of me where I like journaling. I like scrapbooking. People don’t know that about me because they think that when they see me, I’m like a fighter. That’s what they see but they don’t know that I like to make affirmations: ‘I’m beautiful. I’m good.’ And I like to talk to myself sometimes. And they don’t see that. But when I go to TikTok, you guys see a little bit of that version of me. I am funny and crazy.”
@illestmorena HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA KIND OF BA FOR
But when it comes time to be behind the microphone, Illest Morena undergoes a complete transformation. As soon as he is surrounded by a crowd waiting to hear his voices, he emits a kind of aura that does not seem to be shaken. He proves that he gets it all from his fans.
“I’m happy when I see the fans. They’re the ones who give me an extra cover to hide because I’m a little shy, right? in real life, like Angelica, not like Illest Morena,” he told Rappler.
(I’m very happy when I see my fans. They bring me an unusual version because I’m very shy like Angelica, not like Illest Morena.)
“But when I see their faces, it makes me want to come out and show myself so they get their money’s worth when they pay for the ticket.”
For five years now, fans have loved Illest’s signature taste of R&B and hip-hop – catchy, and rooted in what is personal to the artist. His music has always been autobiographical, in the sense that it captures Illest in all his seasons, even those he has left for a long time.
The core of Illest’s artistry has remained unchanged all these years. This time, though, his catalog has taken on a new look, one that’s fresher and more fragile.
And in doing so, Illest has no regrets.
“I’d rather people see me as I am than see me as something I’m not, and then they expect something from my version or the mask I have or put me on a pedestal. I don’t like that,” Illest told Rappler.
It is motivated by delusion
In the fifth year, Illest is on the list. He is deeply rooted in his selfishness, and he reaches stage after stage after stage.
The 24-year-old “Femcee” already has a long list of collaborations to her name (think “Lagabog” feat. Skusta Clee and “Quickie” feat. Hev Abi to name a few) – and she’s determined to keep it up.
He never thought that his other partner would be Apl.de.Apwho not only knew him by name when they first met, but was well aware of Illest’s impact on the local music scene. When the Black Eyed Peas star was approached about a possible feature on an upcoming single, it was an instant “yes” for Illest.
“It felt like I had to live up to the premiere because he said he heard I’m one of the best here. I don’t want him to think otherwise,” Illest shared in a mix of English and Filipino.
Then came “Wind It,” a summery, reggaeton-inspired song featuring Apl.de.Ap, Fana, and Illest himself.
These opportunities are not limited to Illest, though. It all comes as a result of years of grit and – cliche as it sounds – an unapologetic belief in yourself.
Illest, then, has this to say: “Be very honest with your self-belief. And also, don’t let one mistake or challenge get you down. Because it’s just part of learning, part of growing, and part of improving into this best version of you.”
That’s the Illest Morena for you. – Rappler.com
