Hello! You’ve probably seen all our thin-shadow decisions with long resistance attached and say, Well, after reading this, I know why these decisions are badlybut why them cry? That’s right. As a matter of interest, because we’re feeling generous, we’ll share our thoughts on the Voting Rights Act Louisiana vs. Callais!
How do I know if the state assembly map is drawn correctly?
A congressional district should look unlike anything you’ve ever seen in the world. Some kind of weird lizard, but a lizard that undergoes a painful transformation into something else. It should look like a creature’s mouth opening to swallow you. It should look like it’s giving you the finger. And, most importantly, the district should be red throughout. That’s the color the map turns when it’s healthy.
If there are any blue patches, blue lines, or even small blue dots, that is a sign that your map is sick. You have to work quickly to fix that until the entire map turns a nice, healthy red—or, failing that, often red with only one safe blue area. That’s what the Founders would have wanted. Especially Elbridge Gerry.
How can I know if my choice is fair?
What is right? It’s okay when your wife, Ginni, looks at the election results and it makes her happy. If you look at your voting results and think, Oh, this isn’t going to please Ginnithen you need to do something different on your map!
Remember, the intention of the voters is to elect a Republican. We can say that perfectly as impartial lawyers! All districts should be drawn so that you are given every possible chance to be represented by a Republican. Knowing that he has a good, healthy river will encourage the Republican to try things he might not feel comfortable doing, like shooting a dog just to feel something, or skipping every vote to focus on doing more with his stocks.
OK, but what about the Voting Rights Act?
I’m thankful we got rid of that nightmare against the constitution! It’s ridiculous to suggest that some people can be treated differently—protected by laws to ensure that their voices can be heard at the polls, say—just because of the color of their skin. That is discrimination! Nope. We implement the dream of Dr. King, a dream where everyone, black and white, old and young, man and (as long as the Nineteenth Amendment holds) women, will vote together.
What if the election is really close and changing the map could cause chaos? You know, Purcell’s principle?
Good move! If voters don’t know what the election rules are, or if candidates don’t know where to campaign, or if election administrators don’t have time to update the list, this can disenfranchise people and change the outcome of the election! We want to avoid this, unless we feel at least 98 percent sure it will happen in the Republican victory.
What about Alabama, though? That lower court fully convinced me that this map was unconstitutionally discriminatory, under the Fourteenth Amendment.
We understand your frustration! To clarify: Only “unconstitutional discrimination” is discrimination white people.
